That heading, the magic of not caring, may seem weird, and especially from me… but stop and ask yourself… How often is it really something YOU need when people ask you to care, and say “well, don’t you care?”
It is worth stopping to think about how often people manipulate and/or bully you using guilt.
When you catch a plane the airline gives you the wonderful advice to “put your own mask on first” or in other words “look after yourself first”.
I remember many years ago when I was a young single mother with 3 kids and a full time job; someone gave me a book called “When I say NO I feel guilty”. It changed my life… not instantly but over time as I remembered this magic word.
Now I see so many clients, especially stressed and anxious clients who have this problem. You do need to be able to say no without guilt to things that are other people’s agendas not yours. You need to be able to give back problems and jobs that are not yours, kindly but firmly and better still to avoid accepting them in the first place.
The first step in avoiding guilt when you say NO is to ask some questions:
- Is this really my agenda? Do I want to do this? Or continue doing this?
- Do I have time?
- Do I care enough to take on an extra (job, task, whatever)?
The third question is the big one.
Do I honestly care enough? Magic comes into your life when you learn to make this choice, without guilt because you realise you just don’t care enough to get dragged into something else.